Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
