dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
