I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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