can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
