the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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