Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
