I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need to calm my uterus...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
