Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
