My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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