my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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