): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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