if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
