The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We just shotgunned beers for America
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
