why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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