You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
