Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
