i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Shame - the story of my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
