I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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