Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
