You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
