Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
