Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
