I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
