the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
