can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
