I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
