I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
