I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
