got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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