what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She announced her abortion via fbk
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
