I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
