Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
