Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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