You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
