I heard we made out
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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