Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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