Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
