If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
