He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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