toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
