no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
