we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
