She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
