There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just cropdusted the office
i think i have herpe
just one?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
