I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
