i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
