you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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