Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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