I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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