she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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