so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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