How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
