how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
