Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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