the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
