it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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