Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
