Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
