I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
