Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious