Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
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Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening