He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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