you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
