Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
