I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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