First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
