the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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