I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
