so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
