8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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