im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
