Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
