I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
