how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
