woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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