; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
