I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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