i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
