i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
