Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
