I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need water and some morals
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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