Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
