So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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