there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
